A couple of nights ago I got up to use the rest-room which is just a few steps away from the bed. It was pitch black dark. I stepped into the bathroom and immediately became concerned. My feet were under water. I remember standing there in the dark and thinking “oh, this is not good!” It turns out that some freak plumbing issue caused water to back up through the drain pipes and into our bathroom floor. Now, it seems to me like lesson number one at cruise-ship school ought to be never put the passengers under water.
Yesterday morning we were all awakened at 8am because the entire cruise ship was shaking violently. I’ve never experienced anything like this. We were at a port! This shaking lasted about 30 minutes and it was impossible for anybody to sleep. Outside my window there is a hot tub on the deck below. The water in the hot-tub was jumping up and down from the violent shaking. This wasn’t a gentle thing. It was a “rattle the jewelry off the night stand” type of shaking. It kept us awake and we’d been up until 4:30am the night before!
But wait, it gets better…
I purchased a new wardrobe for this trip before leaving Texas. Since this is a long cruise I needed to have some of it cleaned. This morning some of it came back from the ship’s laundry. Well, I put on my favorite new $90 polo shirt, determined not to let any of this “get to me.” Then I looked in the mirror and I could see my left nipple - ROFL! The cruise line’s laundry service had torn a hole in my new shirt making me look sort of like I’d just been lifted on board from a raft after three months stranded at sea. Consequently, I’ve decided not to inspect my other clothes until I’ve had at least 6 hours of hard drinking.
To add insult to injury, the laundry service lost my pajamas and all my underwear. This isn’t a total loss, however, as they have also mistakenly given me another man’s wardrobe of under-garments. Now, normally I would complain about this, but as I sit here in this other man’s boxers I find it strangely compelling. Well, the truth is, we did have to draw the line with this incident because we never signed up for the ship’s underwear exchange program! So, my wife and I have officially complained about the underwear situation, I’ve reluctantly removed my new boxers, and there are at least four officers now searching the ship for the phantom undergarments. Meanwhile, there’s some poor soul on board somewhere who’s in the same situation as me… I hope he likes my briefs.
All we want now it to get off the ship alive.
Yours,
The Prisoner of Davy Jones
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